Friday, August 8, 2008

Captain Jason the Man

Dear Diary:

Today I was elected to be captain of my volleyball team at a work picnic function! Being a man now means that others look up to you to lead them in all manner of expeditions. I did not want to disappoint, so I put all of the man-effort I could muster into leading my team to victory.

However, being a man now does not mean that I know how to play volleyball now.

After I figured out most of the rules I deployed my troops so that the tall people were in the front by the net. Then I put the little short people behind them so they wouldn't get in the way. Did I mention that it was really hot and sunny out and there were free drinks at this function? No? Well, it was really hot and sunny and there were free drinks at this function. This might have put my troops at ease but it was not conducive to my victory strategies.

Being a man now means that sometimes you have to adapt to ever-changing circumstances! Instead of using all of the trick volleyball plays I developed I had to create new plays that my drunk troops could handle. But they couldn't really even handle the one play that I invented called "The Man" which was to hit the ball over the net. This led to us losing the game! I don't even think my troops processed what had transpired because they were laughing and having a good time even though we lost.

We were supposed to play three volleyball games but after we lost the first two games my troops just wanted to go drink some more. I was abandoned by my crew and left to attempt victory on my own! I guess this is what is meant by a captain always goes down with his ship. But then the other team just wanted to go drink too, so I just played the final game by myself, hitting the ball over the net and then running after it.

Being a man now is about finishing what you start.

After I finished what I started I went to enjoy some finishing-what-I-started beer and some of my troops came up to me and thanked me for leading them to almost-victory! Sometimes being a man now really pays off.

This is Jason the Man, signing off.

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