Friday, July 25, 2008

I talked to 2 girls!

Dear Diary:

Today, I talked to 2 girls! Separately! I was at the Capital Hill Block Party, which was really fun, and there were tons of people, including girl-type people. I don't remember exactly what I said to these aforementioned ladiez, but it included words and perhaps a little sprinkling of Jason is a Man Now Brand Charm™. I think at least one of them said words back! The important thing is that they did not run away, although it was really crowded so maybe they were stuck.

Being a man now is great!

Also, in addition to charming the ladies, I danced a little bit at the musical stylings of Girl Talk, my favorite bio-mechanical-engineer-turned-prolific-mash-up-artist-who-dances-like-a-crazy-person-while-typing-on-a-laptop-on-stage. I also swayed a little bit listening to the Dodo's. It was quite a block party for this guy! (Pretend I am pointing at myself when I am saying that).

After the Dodo's and the swaying and the more big PBRs please, I went outside and got lost (at least this is what my friends tell me.) SCENE MISSING, as they say. But somehow I ended up at a bar with Brian and Ian and Grant and some more beers, so all was okay in the end.

I wish it was Capital Hill Block Party EVERY DAY!

This is Jason the Man, signing off.

Saturday, July 19, 2008

Guess who's getting older?

Dear Diary:

Yesterday was my birthday! Actually, my birthday was Tuesday, but yesterday was when I went out and had my birthday celebration! Whooaaa boy, did I drink a lot! All of my home-skillets were there, and we played some mini-golf in the afternoon and then went out to the bars for the evening!

Damn it feels good to be a Manster.

But guess what, diary? Guess who showed up drunk late at my birthday celebration? Give up? MY PARENTS!

Since I am a man now, I am naturally used to interacting with my parents in various states and configurations of intoxication, so I was not alarmed by these circumstances. And since my friends seem to like them, probably because my dad is always drunk and my mom always makes them delicious food, this seemed like a recipe for fun-filled family and friend festivities! (Guess who just looked up "alliteration"? I'll give you a hint: He's a man now. And his name rhymes with "Kason". And he is the author of this blog. And his name is Jason. Is that enough hints?)

But UH OH, Tragedy! My dad was already drunk, and since he didn't know what was going on, he reverted to "fall-back" mode, which is just making fun of me in front of all of my friends and any girls that were maybe around! Pretty soon this caught on and everybody else started making fun of me too! Then my mom took this opportunity of spousal distraction to go and hit on the bouncer guy with all of the tattoos and the big biceps! MOM! I don't want any much younger siblings with big biceps and tattoos, okay! If I did I would have put it on my birthday list that I sent you and you evidently didn't even look at because I did not get the fancy new fencing foil OR the bamboo tea serving tray OR the vintage airplane calendar that I asked for.

Sometimes being a man now is exasperating! But then I remember that being a man now means I have to learn to accept and handle new and embarrassing situations. And beer helps.

This is Jason the Man, signing off.

Friday, July 11, 2008

How would a man handle this?

Dear Diary:

Today my fencing instructor asked me how many shirts I brought to the big fencing tournament. "Two," I said. "Oh no, no no no, that is not enough shirts!" He replied. "You should have a shirt for each match. You don't want to go into a match all sweaty from the last match, because it is distracting." Actually, that might not have been the reason he gave, because at that point I was too embarrassed for not bringing enough shirts that I wasn't really listening.

I guess these big fencing tournaments are a lot different than the casual matches I am used to at the fencing temple! For a second I felt like a wide-eyed country boy wandering into the big city. But then I remembered that I am a man now.

With great power comes great responsibility. Mansponsibility. (I just made that up- if you would like to use it please appropriately attribute it to "Jason the Man". Thank you.)

Okay, so remember two paragraphs ago when I mentioned the "fencing temple"? That is NOT the actual name of the institution from which I learn and practice the ancient and elegant art of fencing! That is a name that my stupid friends made up because they do not understand the subtle beauty and refinement of my hobby. Do I make fun of their hobbies? No. No I do not. I might not understand all of the ins and outs and what-have-yous of their stupid hobbies, but a big part of being a man now is to learn to accept and appreciate differences in others, especially those less elegant and refined than me.

Sometimes, though, I get SO MAD that they call it the fencing temple and then laugh at me! I thought, "how would a man handle this situation?"

I think the next time they call it the fencing temple I am going to punch them. With my man fists.

This is Jason the Man, signing off.

Thursday, July 3, 2008

I am a man now!

Dear Diary:

I am a man now! I went over to my friend Grant's house to watch Strange Brew with him and Tricia and Laura. They made me drink a 16oz can of Busch, which they promised would make me a man. To think that I was only missing that this whole time!

Well, anyway, I am a man now! Hello, world. I am Jason, Jason the Man. Pleased to be meeting you. How about a drink sometime? Okay.

This is Jason the Man, signing off.