Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Jason is a Guest Blogger now!

Dear Diary:

In addition to being a man now I am also a Guest Blogger now! (Look for new "Jason is a Guest Blogger now" blog coming soon. JUST KIDDING! Times remaining that I will use that joke: 9). Please read my guest blog post containing priceless man-advice on Bac-Log!

Being a man now means that others are constantly asking for my man-input and man-participation in all sorts of things! I try to tell people that being a man now is not all fun and games, and that it requires hard work and great restraint to not punch people. But I think people only tend to see what they want to see, which in the case of being a man now is only the outward strength and beauty!

It is amazing to think that at one time I was not a man then! Now I am a man now, and also a guest author on the most important blog in the history of time! It has been quite an exciting journey, and I can't wait for more man-journey!

This is Jason the Man, signing off.

Friday, August 15, 2008

Jason is a trendsetter now!

Dear Diary:

Guess what exciting application I bought for my new iPhone? Give up? Koi Pond!

This delightful "app" makes my iPhone look like a spectacular interactive aquarium! If I touch the water, it makes ripples and the koi swim away!

I am very pleased with my purchase, but it gets even better. Recently I looked in the application store and found out that Koi Pond is now the most popular of all apps! In addition to being a man now, I am also a trendsetter now! (New "Jason is a Trendsetter Now" blog coming soon... JUST KIDDING!)

I told my friends about my new favorite app purchase and they could not believe that I paid for an app of just an aquarium. I tried to explain that the koi swim away and the water ripples when I touch the water, but my stupid friends did not seem to understand why this was important. But then I remembered that being a man now means that I can buy whatever app I want with my new raise money and that my stupid friends are just jealous.

This is Jason the Man, signing off.

Friday, August 8, 2008

Captain Jason the Man

Dear Diary:

Today I was elected to be captain of my volleyball team at a work picnic function! Being a man now means that others look up to you to lead them in all manner of expeditions. I did not want to disappoint, so I put all of the man-effort I could muster into leading my team to victory.

However, being a man now does not mean that I know how to play volleyball now.

After I figured out most of the rules I deployed my troops so that the tall people were in the front by the net. Then I put the little short people behind them so they wouldn't get in the way. Did I mention that it was really hot and sunny out and there were free drinks at this function? No? Well, it was really hot and sunny and there were free drinks at this function. This might have put my troops at ease but it was not conducive to my victory strategies.

Being a man now means that sometimes you have to adapt to ever-changing circumstances! Instead of using all of the trick volleyball plays I developed I had to create new plays that my drunk troops could handle. But they couldn't really even handle the one play that I invented called "The Man" which was to hit the ball over the net. This led to us losing the game! I don't even think my troops processed what had transpired because they were laughing and having a good time even though we lost.

We were supposed to play three volleyball games but after we lost the first two games my troops just wanted to go drink some more. I was abandoned by my crew and left to attempt victory on my own! I guess this is what is meant by a captain always goes down with his ship. But then the other team just wanted to go drink too, so I just played the final game by myself, hitting the ball over the net and then running after it.

Being a man now is about finishing what you start.

After I finished what I started I went to enjoy some finishing-what-I-started beer and some of my troops came up to me and thanked me for leading them to almost-victory! Sometimes being a man now really pays off.

This is Jason the Man, signing off.

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Ups and Downs in Man-Town, USA

Dear Diary:

Today I got a raise! Sometimes I feel that people do not fully appreciate all of my tireless man-advice and man-effort and man-friendship, but at least my employer appreciates Jason the Man! (Part of being a man now is to respect the boundaries between work and my personal life, so I will only say that I work for a giant aerospace and defense corporation that rhymes exactly with "Boeing".)

To celebrate my raise I decided to meet up with a couple of my budsters for drinks after work! Budsters and the Man- a recipe for good times!

But uh oh! My "fast" (that is what I call my car) got a "flat" (that is what I call it when the air goes out of a tire). So before I could enjoy all of my new money, I had to take my fast in to get my tire fixed.

Instead of being a simple tire patch job like I had expected, the tire shop guys had to inform me that my sidewall was damaged and that I would need a whole new tire! "Okay," I said, "I guess I will have to rely on your professional opinion since I am only a maintenance program engineer for a giant aerospace and defense corporation that rhymes exactly with 'Boeing', and you are a professional tire-guy. I suppose I will have to purchase this new tire you recommend." Part of being a man now is to respect other people's expertise.

The new tire was $180!!!! Good thing I got that raise!

Before I left one of of the tire guys showed me what caused my expensive tire to flatten. It was the size of a nail but shaped like a tiny railroad spike! The tire guy informed me that he had never seen such a thing and that he was glad to have had the opportunity to experience this tiny railroad spike and take my $180.

Being a man now is all about being part of memorable experiences!

I told my budsters that I had a tiny railroad spike in my tire, and they said, "you mean a nail?" And then I said, "No, it was like a tiny railroad spike", and then they said, "that's what a nail is, dude," and then I wanted to punch them.

This is Jason the Man, signing off.